Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Mystery Diagnosis Fantasy

I am not a hypochondriac, at least not normally. However, one night I watched back-to-back episodes of Mystery Diagnosis on Discovery Health and suddenly I realized that a number of things that happen to my body mind and spirit every single day... Things that I normally don't pay much attention to might actually be symptoms... sleepiness, restlessness, crankiness, foot aches, the blister on my toe... Alone they seem innocuous, but added together with a CGI anatomy sequence, these everyday occurrences might add up to a bonafide medical mystery.

Actually, it’s sort of become a fantasy.

My fantasy goes like this. My symptoms are an allergy to housework, an addiction to Farmville, bizarre and inexplicable cravings for chocolate and nachos. I dismiss these warning signs in my self-depreciating way until one day my doctor decides to refer me to a series of medical specialists who conduct and analyze numerous tests finally puzzling together the condition behind these seemingly unrelated symptoms. They tell me I have a rare illness, not life threatening, but hopelessly incurable. I am told that I will never be able to wash dishes, vacuum, or wash laundry like a normal spouse, and I will only suffer mental anguish if I try to push away the chip bowl or the M & Ms. I feel sad about this, and they give me some good drugs to help me cope.

My husband, who was previously annoyed by this behaviour, now knows it is all caused by a medical condition that is beyond my control, and falls in line to support me. Naturally I absolve his previous lack of support. I am after all a forgiving person.


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